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What Is The Main Thing That Offends Your Audience During Your First Contact?

I know you are not attempting to offend people, but it happens without your knowledge. The challenge for most persuaders is they don’t know when they have crossed that line because it is easier for people to LIE. Have you ever heard the following?

-It is too expensive
-I need more information
-I need to talk to my spouse/partner
-I will come back later
-I will go to your website

These are lies 67% of the time. You must understand there is something you did to derail the persuasion process.

What is your answer to the following Persuasion IQ question?

What is the main thing that offends your audience during your first contact?
a. Pushiness
b. Unsolicited small talk
c. Did not leave relevant information
d. Stayed longer than expected
e. Late for your appointment

Most people tend to choose A for this Persuasion IQ question. Pushiness is the second major complaint during your initial encounter with a prospect. When you are unable to read your audience we tend to push a little too hard. We unknowingly tend to become a little too aggressive. This happens when you don’t ask enough questions and fail to listen. The answer to the above question is B. The small talk has lost effectiveness during your initial contact.

Studies show that not only do 75 percent of people not like all the “gushy, chit-chatty stuff,” but 99 percent of them won’t even bother to stop you when they’re annoyed. The proverbial bad salesman comes to mind here. He acts too chummy and tells stupid jokes, all the while thinking everyone loves him. You’ve probably met him. What did you do when you met this person? If you’re like most people, you politely endured the encounter, made up some excuse to get him off your back, and then swore to yourself that you would never get stuck talking to him again. Reality check: This annoying person could be you.

Being an extrovert, having the gift of gab, or being able to make small talk with anyone you meet can definitely be used to your advantage, but watch yourself. How can you persuade if you are always talking? It will be very annoying to your audience if they sense that you like hearing yourself talk more than listening to their concerns. Remember, it’s about them, not you. Great persuaders listen more than they talk. In fact, great persuaders use their listening and questioning skills to get their audience to persuade themselves.

Often when someone comes to you, she already knows what she wants. She already has something in mind. She just needs to talk through it with someone. Which approach do you think will have better, longer-term results: you persuading your audience, or you helping them persuade themselves? It’s much better if your audience feels as if they have made the decision themselves, without perceived external influences. When you do have to talk, be succinct and to the point. A good rule of thumb is not to talk more than 30 percent of the time.

Now, with these general guidelines in place, it is worth pointing out that you must always be prepared to adapt and adjust to the personality type of your audience. For some people, talking 30 percent of the time will still be too much. Discussing only what is relevant to the matter at hand and keeping chit-chat to a minimum is best for these no-nonsense types. Your attempts at being their buddy will likely annoy and maybe even offend them. Some people feel that being overly warm and personable is not appropriate when you have just met someone for the very first time. Polite and professional, yes, but warm and fuzzy, no. The bottom line is, don’t get too friendly too fast.

The key is to make sure they are aware of the benefits of your product/service before you waste their time with unsolicited small talk.

Persuade with Power
Kurt Mortensen

Many persuaders (without realizing it) show tension, or irritation when someone brings up an objection. Usually this conduct occurs because the objection stirs up the persuader’s own insecurities (often fear of rejection). The persuader thinks, “Didn’t I go over that already? I’m doing a good job explaining things! Why is this person still not convinced? Why am I bombing this persuasive encounter? Do I sound like an idiot?” As understandable as this reaction is, it will only makes things worse.

Your audience will sense your uneasiness and feel even more uncomfortable. Don’t set off more alarm bells than are already ringing! When you are handling objections it is time to check your ego at the door.  It is about them and persuading them to do what you want them to do.  Don’t act (or think) you are put out or that is a dumb question.  Remember – this is the first time they have voiced their objection to you, (even though you have heard it 100 times before), show them the common courtesy and respect just like the first time you heard that objection.

A calm, natural demeanor opens the door to persuasion and will keep it open in the face of objections. Remember: your audience cannot feel at ease if you don’t. They cannot feel relaxed if you aren’t. They won’t be enthusiastic if you aren’t showing enthusiasm yourself. In a very real way, you must create what you want them to feel.  You must keep the door open for them to ask questions or voice concerns.  It goes back to our school days.  When we ask a question and teacher makes us feel stupid or uneasy (whether they meant it or not) the door is slammed shut for additional questions, concerns or comments.

When you get an objection, keep the door open and check your ego at the door.  You could say… that is a great question.  I’m sorry I should have addressed that better.  This will keep the doors open to persuasion without having them mentally shut down.  Even if you already explained it, you should be accountable to them for not understanding your presentation.  When you handle an objection the wrong way, you will come across as arrogant or condescending.  When you get an objection or question this week, try to posture your response to leave the door open for additional questions or objections.

Persuade with Confidence

Kurt W Mortensen

There are 2 ways to double your income.   You can work twice as hard or double your influence skills.  One thing you can do is master FITD or foot in the door technique.  We all hate to get No during our presentation.  We can enhance our influence skills and get the YES.  The Research shows that if lots of prospects keep saying no – you are asking too much.  Break down what you are doing or asking into smaller pieces.

An interesting study involved testing to see if university students would get up early to take part in a 7:00 a.m. study session.  For one group, the students were asked if they would participate in a study on thinking processes at 7:00 a.m. on Saturday.   Of these students, only 24% agreed to they would participate. For the second group, instead of asking one big question, the request was broken down into 3 smaller questions.

Will you participate in a study on thinking processes? (YES)

Are you available on Saturday? (YES)

It is at 7:00 a.m., will you be there?  (YES)

What do you think happened?  The compliance rate went from 24% to 56%.  It doubled the Yes’s.  This was done by breaking down the initial large request into smaller requests.  When someone complies a first time, they perceive themselves to be helpful.  If they are asked to comply a 2nd time in an even greater way, they are likely to consent.  In an effort to maintain consistency with the first impression, they agree to give even more of themselves.

What is the bottom line?   If you are always getting a no – you need to ask something that is simpler or easier to understand.  Learn to ask questions that get the YES.  Of all the techniques in your persuasion arsenal, questioning is probably the one most often used by Great Persuaders.  Simple questions will gain immediate involvement.  Neil Rackham and John Carlisle observed hundreds of negotiators in an attempt to discover what it takes to be a top negotiator.  Their key finding was that skilled negotiators ask more than 2 times as many questions as average negotiators.  The questions they ask are simple and easy to understand.

Use this skill today.  A yes can be that simple.  If at any point during your presentation you are getting that dreaded no – break the request or question into smaller questions and you will see a dramatic increase in your favorite word – YES.

Persuade with Power

Kurt Mortensen

Have you seen “Military Management?”  You see it in the workplace everyday – Do it or you are fired.  You also see it with parenting – Do it or else.  You see it with old school sales people and their coercive closes.  Does it work?  Yes it does.   Is it OK for your dentist to say “only floss the teeth you want to keep?”  I think so.

Let’s explore the proper use of fear.

Fear will get short-term compliance, but you will see long-term resentment and rebellion.  This force or fear is why hidden cameras catch employee’s doing despicable things to their boss’s coffee.  So why do people overuse fear to influence?  Because it is easy to use, it works (for the short-term) and they don’t have any other tools of influence.

As the mobster Al Capone said, “You can get more with a kind word and a gun than with a kind word alone!”  I have seen coercion and fear kill creativity, numb the human spirit and create resentment.   Is it OK to use fear while you influence?  The answer…….it depends.  Fear is overused and abused, but let’s face it – it does work.

What is Fear?

Fear is anxiety or tension caused by danger, apprehension, pain, or destruction.  The possibility of harm can be imagined.  Fear motivates and moves us away from unpleasant things or potential destruction.  Fear can persuade us to do many things we might not otherwise do. We buy life insurance, air bags, and home alarms out of fear.

Fear does not work in every persuasive encounter, however; if we were solely motivated by fear, we would never speed, overeat or start smoking.  The proper dose of fear is critical in persuasion.  If the dose is too small, it will not stimulate movement.  If the fear is too large, it will trigger resistance.  For fear to stick and create action and persuasion, it must include the following steps: (Let’s use life insurance as an example)

1.  The image of fear must be unpleasant, such as threat of pain or destruction,.

If you were to die today would your family be able to survive financially?

2.  It must be imminent.  Your prospects must feel not only that the fearful event is likely to happen, but also that they could be victimized by its occurrence.  They must feel vulnerable.

Is it possible that you could be in a car accident on your way home from work?

3.  You must provide a solution to their fear.  Give your prospects a recommended action to suspend or eliminate the fear.

Here is a perfect policy that will provide for your family in case……

4.  They must believe they are capable of doing what is asked of them and that doing so will work for them.

The paperwork will only take a few minutes and your will be protected.

There is a time to use fear.  When you create fear, use the fear formula above to make sure it works.  Careful of coercive closes that force people to make unwanted decisions or purchases.  Coercive closes work 5% of the time, but have a 50% buyer’s remorse rate.  Even a blind pig can find food – just like a coercive close will eventually work on someone.  Use fear properly and you will become more influential.

Influence with Power

Kurt W Mortensen

Charisma is critical to your ability to instantly influence others to take action.  They will want to do, what you want them to do and always like doing it.  Learn what to do when you are getting resistance or they continually say NO.  Here is the link to watch the video or continue to read for the abbreviated text.

Charisma Video Link

Charismatic people have the ability to instantly lift their moods, adjust emotions and change the energy in the room.  Being inspirational and charismatic is a full-time job.  It is not something you have when the moon is full.  The people around you expect you to be the one to energize their spirits and inspire them to new heights.  When they are down, you are expected to be the one to lift and boost their morale.  Most people already have plenty of people around them that suck the life out of them.  It is refreshing for them to feel hope, and inspiration.

When you have the ability to inspire others, they will rise to your expectations.  They will feel part of the team and want to grow and improve themselves.  When you see a great charismatic person that inspires others to new heights, it looks very simple.  Everyone around them is motivated and thrive on the high expectations.  The difference between using desperation vs inspiration is desperation promotes fear and competition while inspiration promotes vision and teamwork.  In other words, doing things for good of the company vs. striving to beat others down.  Desperation is usually based in fear.  People will never appreciate feeling pressured or that you bullied them with fear. They will resent you, harbor negative feelings toward you and never want to help you again.  Desperation leads to poor decisions, forces unwanted choices, reduces options, and creates regret.  Despair is very destructive and sucks the life out of people.  Your objective is to inspire hope.

Do you know the opposite of hope?  Despair – despair comes when we feel powerless to change events or we lose our sense of purpose in our life.  Despair is a source of disorientation so intense that we lose contact with reality.  Most people don’t know they are pessimistic people or stuck in despair, but they are sucking the life out of everyone around them.  In most companies the job is getting done, but usually out of fear, not out of inspiration.  Anybody with few influence skills can drive someone with desperation, fear, or worry.  The problem is desperation is short-term.  People who are driven by desperation or fear are usually so preoccupied with what they’re trying to get away from that they can’t think of anything else, let alone their future.

If you want inspiration to last, you need to rely on inspiration, which is rooted in your emotions and your vision.  The positive results that come from using inspiration are long-term.  Inspired people don’t need a carrot dangling in front of them to get something done.  You don’t need to use fear.  When you use inspiration, people become more self-motivated and don’t wait for external factors to drive them.  Getting others inspired is the only way to keep them inspired.  When you radiate inspiration you move people away from despair and inaction.  It gives them hope in themselves, in you and in the future.  You will be able to lead and inspire with true charisma.

Persuasion is Power

www.kurtmortensen.com